I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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