I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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