What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
