I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
