I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
