it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
