She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
