I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
