I want to have your abortion
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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