I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize