Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
