you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
