This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
