i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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