You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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