drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
