The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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