Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
