The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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