She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
