i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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