so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
