I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
