screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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