Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize