i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
