Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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