Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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