I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
