i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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