Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
