it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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