I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
