Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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