I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
