remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
