How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
they need to just BURY HIM!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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