drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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