You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so much tequila, so little girl.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
