We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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