This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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