My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
