i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
