No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
