My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
