I think my vagina is haunted
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
