The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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