just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
