My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
