im six kinds of drunk right now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
