Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize