there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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