Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
