You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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