I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
