I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
