i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
