Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
