Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
