ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
