return my video game
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
