He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
