I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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