I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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